The other day, I came across a post on Facebook that said, “When did you realize you weren’t loved as a child?” And as I read through the comments, I felt a deep heaviness. Story after story, of children who grew up in the same house, under the same roof, yet carried completely different emotional scars.
Some shared how their parents favored one sibling over the other. Some said their achievements never seemed good enough. Others said they were always compared, dismissed, or even ignored. And the pain? You could still feel it in their words, even decades later.
It broke my heart, but it also reminded me of something we don’t talk about enough:
Every child needs to feel equally loved.
Love Isn’t About Sameness, It’s About Fullness
Loving your children equally doesn’t mean treating them exactly the same. Each child is different, with their own needs, personalities, and ways of expressing love. One might be loud and affectionate; the other quiet and thoughtful. But no matter how different they are, they should all feel fully seen, fully known, and fully loved.
Children are always watching. Always sensing. And even if they don’t have the words to express it, they can feel when love is uneven.
They know when one sibling gets all the praise.
They know when their efforts are overlooked.
They know when they’re always being compared.
And those little feelings? They grow. They take root. And sometimes, they follow them well into adulthood.
Favoritism Leaves Silent Wounds
You might think you’re just being “hard” on one child so they’ll do better. You may even think the other “needs more help.” But when love becomes unequal, what you’re really doing is sending silent messages.
To one child: You’re never enough.
To the other: You don’t need to try.
It creates division where there should be unity. It builds resentment where there should be connection. And it shapes how your children will see love, not just from you, but from the world around them.
Your Words Become Their Inner Voice
Many adults are still trying to heal from the words they heard growing up, “Why can’t you be like your sister?” or “You’re just too difficult.” It’s amazing how one moment of comparison can echo in a child’s heart for a lifetime.
But here’s the good news, you get to change that. As a parent, your voice can also be the healing voice. You can speak life. You can pour love. You can raise children who never have to guess where they stand with you.
Make Every Child Feel Chosen
Let your child know you love them not because of what they do, but because of who they are. Celebrate their wins. Sit with them through their losses. Show up for their stories. And say the words: “I love you. You matter. I’m proud of you.” Often.
Don’t let one child become “the golden child” while the other quietly feels invisible. Don’t let one carry the weight of expectations while the other walks free. Every child needs to feel like the favorite, because in your heart, they all are.
A Heart Check for Every Parent
Sometimes we show more affection to the child that is easier to parent. The one that’s more obedient. Or the one that looks like us, acts like us, or reminds us of ourselves. But love isn’t earned by behavior or personality, it should be steady, unconditional, and whole.
So ask yourself:
- Do my children feel the same access to my affection?
- Do I celebrate one child more than the other?
- Do I discipline fairly without judgment or labels?
- Am I emotionally available to all of them, not just the one that needs “less work”?
Being intentional with your love might feel like a small act today, but it becomes the emotional safety net your children will carry for the rest of their lives.
Final Thoughts
“Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded.” — Jess Lair
Let your love unfold them equally. Pour it into every child, every day, in words, in time, in touch, in presence.
Because long after the toys are packed away, and the school awards are forgotten, it’s your love that stays with them. And it’s your love that will help them believe they are enough, just as they are.
Choose each child. Every day. Fully. Completely. Equally.