Parenting has evolved over the years and thank God it has. What once seemed acceptable is now being questioned through the lens of love, emotional intelligence, and deeper understanding of what children truly need to grow.
As modern parents, we’re not just raising children to obey rules, we’re nurturing souls, shaping hearts, and preparing them for a world that demands confidence, empathy, and resilience.
Still, there are some parenting habits and mindsets we’ve inherited, things our parents did, or we’ve seen others do that no longer serve today’s generation of children. These trends may have been passed down with good intentions, but it’s time we re-examined them and asked: Is this truly helping my child flourish?
Here are a few parenting trends we need to leave behind and what we can do instead.
1. Shaming as a Form of Discipline
How many of us were told things like, “You’ve embarrassed me,” or “Can’t you be like so-and-so?”
Public shaming or comparing children to others may seem like motivation, but in reality, it chips away at their self-worth. Children grow best when they feel safe to be themselves, not when they’re constantly compared or pushed to fit into someone else’s expectations. They grow when they are seen, accepted, and loved for who they are.
Do this instead: Correct privately, affirm publicly. Address misbehavior with love and calmness, while also celebrating who they are and what they do right. Your child’s heart is more important than your pride.
2. Children Shouldn’t Question Adults
This mindset trains children to stay silent, even when something is wrong. It teaches fear rather than respect.
Yes, children should be taught to honor adults, but they should also feel safe enough to speak up when they don’t understand or when something feels off.
Do this instead: Create an environment where your child knows that asking questions isn’t rebellion, it’s curiosity. It’s how they learn. Let them feel heard, even when you need to correct them.
3. Ignoring Emotional Needs
Growing up, many of us were told to “stop crying” or “be strong.” Emotions were seen as weakness. But emotional suppression doesn’t lead to strength, it leads to broken adults who struggle to process pain.
Do this instead: Teach your child to name their feelings. Say things like, “I know you’re upset. It’s okay to feel that way. Let’s talk about it.”
When kids learn to process emotions in a healthy way, they grow into emotionally strong adults.
4. Overvaluing Obedience and Under-Valuing Connection
There’s nothing wrong with wanting obedient children. But if the only goal is for them to say “yes” to everything without understanding why, then we’ve missed the opportunity to connect.
When children feel connected, they cooperate more naturally not out of fear, but out of love and trust.
Do this instead: Build a relationship, not just rules. Have real conversations. Let them understand the “why” behind your decisions. It builds trust.
5. Making Career or Academic Success the Measure of Worth
In many homes, a child is only celebrated when they bring home perfect grades or win an award. While we should applaud their achievements, children shouldn’t feel like their worth depends on their performance.
Do this instead: Celebrate effort, not just results. Let them know you love them whether they win or not. That kind of assurance builds inner confidence that lasts.
6. Using Fear as a Parenting Tool
“If you don’t behave, I’ll leave you here.” “Wait till your dad comes home.” Fear may work short-term, but it damages long-term trust. Children should feel safe, not scared, in your presence.
Do this instead: Use love, not fear, to correct. Set clear boundaries, but always from a place of calm strength, not panic or threat.
Final Thoughts
We’re not here to shame the way we were raised. Our parents did the best they could with what they had. But now, we know more and when you know better, you do better.
Let’s be the generation of parents that chooses connection over control, love over fear, and grace over shame. Let’s build homes where our children don’t have to recover from their childhood, where they are free to grow, thrive, and bloom into their full God-given potential.
Because parenting isn’t about having it all figured out, it’s about being present, learning as we go, and always leading with love.
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