Parenting in the 21st century is no easy feat. Our children are growing up in a world vastly different from the one we knew. With so many influences shaping their perspectives—social media, peer pressure, and ever-evolving societal norms—it can sometimes feel like we’re playing catch-up.
But one thing remains constant: children need guidance, love, and structure. How do we, as parents, strike the right balance between discipline and communication? How do we ensure that we are their safe space while still instilling values that will shape them into responsible adults?
In a recent TV program, Mama Ibukun Awosika shed light on the very real struggles parents face today. She emphasized that children today are exposed to an overwhelming number of external influences, often making it difficult for them to stand firm in their values. With so many competing voices, how do we ensure that our voice as parents remains the strongest and most reassuring one in their lives?
Let’s explore the key takeaways from the discussion and our own insights on how to navigate this parenting journey with wisdom and grace.
The Need for Communication
Communication is the foundation of a healthy parent-child relationship. But it’s not just about talking; it’s about truly listening, hearing beyond their words and understanding their emotions, struggles, and fears.
Mama Ibukun stressed the importance of endearing ourselves to our children, so they feel comfortable turning to us first when they need guidance. In today’s world, where peer influence is strong, our children will naturally seek advice. The question is: Will they seek it from us or from people who may not have their best interests at heart?
We must create a safe, judgment-free space where our children can be honest about their thoughts, emotions, and mistakes. If they fear our reaction—if they expect anger, criticism, or dismissal—they will withdraw and seek validation elsewhere. Instead, responding with patience, understanding, and a willingness to guide them through their choices encourages trust and openness.
Practical ways to foster open communication:
- Be available: Put aside distractions and give them your full attention when they speak.
- Ask open-ended questions: Instead of “Did you have a good day?” try “What was the most interesting thing that happened today?”
- Control your reactions: Even when they share something upsetting, pause before reacting harshly. Help them process their emotions rather than shutting them down.
- Be consistent: They should feel confident that no matter the situation, they can always talk to you.
Recognizing Each Child’s Unique Nature
One of the most powerful insights Mama Ibukun shared was that each child is unique. She described her three sons as “three nations,” each requiring a different approach to parenting. This statement resonates deeply because many of us, as parents, fall into the trap of assuming that what worked for one child will work for another.
Some children thrive with clear rules and firm boundaries, while others respond better to gentle guidance and encouragement. Some are naturally independent, while others require more emotional reassurance. Recognizing and respecting these differences allows us to tailor our parenting approach, ensuring each child receives the support they need in the way that works best for them.
Key takeaway: Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. The more we understand our child’s personality, the better we can guide them effectively.
The Role of Discipline
While communication is key, discipline is equally important in shaping a child’s character. Mama Ibukun acknowledged that there are moments when discipline is necessary, but it should always be thoughtful and appropriate for each situation and child.
True discipline isn’t about punishment; it’s about teaching. When done correctly, it reinforces values, builds resilience, and fosters self-discipline. But if handled poorly—through excessive strictness, physical punishment, or emotional detachment—it can lead to rebellion, resentment, or fear.
So how do we discipline effectively?
- Set clear and consistent boundaries. Children thrive when they understand what is expected of them.
- Explain consequences. Instead of simply punishing, help them understand why their behavior was unacceptable.
- Use discipline as a teaching moment. Instead of just saying “no,” show them the right way to handle situations.
- Balance firmness with love. They should know that even when they make mistakes, your love for them remains unchanged.
The Importance of a United Front
One of the biggest challenges in parenting comes when parents aren’t on the same page regarding discipline and communication. If one parent is overly strict while the other is too lenient, children quickly learn how to manipulate the situation to their advantage.
Mama Ibukun pointed out the importance of parents acting as a team in front of their kids. Even if disagreements arise, they should be resolved privately. Consistency in parenting builds security and trust.
Practical steps for maintaining unity:
- Discuss parenting decisions privately before enforcing rules.
- Support each other’s authority in front of the children.
- Find compromises that align with both parents’ values.
- Communicate with respect—your child is watching and learning from how you resolve conflicts.
The Power of Prayer and Intuition
Beyond strategy and parenting techniques, there is an element of discernment that we cannot ignore.
Mama Ibukun emphasized that prayer and intuition are crucial tools in raising children. As parents, we may not always see the full picture, but being spiritually attuned and trusting our instincts can help us sense when something isn’t right.
Some things to remember:
- Observe beyond words. Sometimes, children won’t openly say what they are struggling with, but subtle behavior changes can be a clue.
- Pray for wisdom. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but divine guidance can provide clarity in difficult moments.
- Trust your gut. If you feel something is off with your child, it probably is—pay attention
Striking the Balance
So, how do we strike the right balance between discipline and communication? There’s no perfect formula, but here are some guiding principles:
- Be approachable – Let your children know they can confide in you without fear of harsh judgment.
- Understand their unique personalities – What works for one may not work for another.
- Set clear but fair boundaries – Discipline should be constructive, not just punitive.
- Be a team with your spouse – Present a united front to maintain consistency.
- Trust your instincts – Be attentive to unspoken signals.
- Pray for wisdom – Parenting is a journey that requires divine guidance.
Final Thoughts
Parenting is a delicate dance, one that requires a mix of love, wisdom, patience, and firm guidance.
In a world filled with distractions and external influences, our role as parents is more crucial than ever. By fostering open communication, setting boundaries with love, and leading with wisdom, we can raise children who are confident, emotionally secure, and well-rounded.
Let’s embrace this journey with intention, knowing that our efforts today will shape the leaders of tomorrow.
Watch the full video clip of Mama Ibukun’s discussion here: