Do you remember life before children? When you could sleep in on weekends, step out without packing a bag full of diapers or snacks, and enjoy your favorite meal without interruptions?
Those days feel like they happened a lifetime ago. Now, you’re an expert at multitasking, juggling school runs, meal preps, and managing tantrums, all on minimal sleep.
Motherhood is a beautiful journey, but it’s also filled with its own challenge. Just when you think you’ve got the hang of it, your baby starts teething, or your toddler discovers the art of throwing a fit in public. As they grow, the challenges evolve, but the demands remain constant.
What’s more, everyone seems to have an opinion about how you’re raising your child. From unsolicited advice to judgmental comments, it often feels like you’re under a microscope. These remarks, though sometimes well-intentioned, can be more discouraging than helpful.
That’s why I’ve compiled this list of 10 things you should never say to a mum. Because every mother is doing her best, and the last thing she needs is added pressure or criticism.
1. “You Look Tired.”
Telling a mum she looks exhausted only reminds her of what she already knows. She doesn’t need a mirror held up to her fatigue, she needs encouragement, not a reminder of how drained she feels.
2. “Is He Always This Wild?”
Children are full of energy, curiosity, and big emotions. Commenting on a child’s behavior in a negative way implies that their natural enthusiasm is a problem, and that the mom isn’t managing it well.
3. “You’re Not Breastfeeding?”
How a mother feeds her baby is her decision alone. Whether by choice, medical necessity, or circumstance, feeding methods are personal and no one else’s business.
4. “Just Wait Until They’re Teenagers!”
Parenting has enough worries without adding future anxieties. Instead of scaring a mum about what’s to come, it’s better to support her in the phase she’s in right now.
5. “My Child Never Does That.”
Every child is different, and comparing them only makes a mum feel like her child or her parenting isn’t measuring up. Development, behavior, and personalities vary, and that’s perfectly normal.
6. “You’re Spoiling Him.”
Affection, comfort, and responsiveness are not spoiling, they’re nurturing. Suggesting that a mum is “too soft” undermines her instincts to love and care for her child in the way she believes is best.
7. “When Are You Having Another?”
Family planning is deeply personal. This question can be painful for moms struggling with infertility, loss, or even those who are content with the family they have.
8. “You’re Letting Them Watch That?”
Screen time, entertainment choices, and parenting styles vary from family to family. Judging what another mom allows implies that her decisions aren’t as valid as someone else’s.
9. “Was it a natural birth?”
Birth stories are deeply personal, and the term “natural” can be loaded. All births, regardless of the method, are valid and significant. If a mum wants to share her experience, she’ll do so on her own terms.
10. “Wow, you’ve added so much weight”
Whether it’s said with surprise or concern, comments like this can sting. A mother’s body has just performed the incredible feat of bringing life into the world, commenting on her weight whether it’s praise or pressure is unnecessary and can be hurtful. Focus on her well-being and the new life she’s nurturing, rather than physical appearance.
Summary
Motherhood doesn’t come with a manual, and every mum is doing her best with the resources, energy, and knowledge she has.
The next time you’re tempted to comment on another mom’s choices, pause and ask yourself: Is this helpful? Is this kind? If not, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all.
